


I hope you can show me

by mischiefunicorn



Series: The first time that you kissed me [3]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Billy Hargrove Being an Asshole, Bottom Billy Hargrove, Drabble, Emotions, Eventual Smut, Feelings, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hurt Steve Harrington, Inspired by Music, Love Confessions, M/M, Revelations, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Song Lyrics, Soul-Searching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 20:40:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20032000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischiefunicorn/pseuds/mischiefunicorn
Summary: Billy fucked it all up with his stupid self doubt.He knew he would and he had no idea how tofix it. Luckily others are better with grand gestures.Maybe Billy will find his reason to learn.Heavily song inspired drabble found in the WIPfolder.  Trying to get over season 3 of Stranger Things.Song: I wanna know what love is by Foreigner





	I hope you can show me

Steve and Billy got close after the fight at Byers weirdly enough. By the snowball they were already something like friends but not quite. Billy has no idea how they got into the thing they share now, what gave them this shared whatever it was. Billy really can't remember what had happened the minutes or seconds before he first touched Steve softly, smiling when he didn't flinch away. And Billy has no idea of what happened the minutes or seconds before the first time he reached down to palm Steve, already hard in his preppy chinos. What had they been doing? Where had they been? Did he say something before? All he can remember was the look Steve got in his eyes, mixed with emotions Billy was all too familiar with. Disgust, fear, anger, sadness, arousal, happiness. Billy had hesitated but Steve never pushed him away or told him to stop. The awkward hand job was over before it even properly started and Billy was sure it was a one time thing. That Steve had been too drunk to know what happened or too scared to say no or whatever felt like the right answer at the moment.

A few days had gone by and first Billy thought Steve had actually forgot anything ever happened, as a coping mechanism for sure, but when a cold night by the quarry smoking, waiting to pick up the kids from the arcade, Steve had been all fidgety and weird and pacing and Billy had asked Steve what the hell he was running from and he stopped dead in his tracks. He looked at Billy laying on the hood of the Camaro looking at the stars and looked like a deer in headlights like many times before, but now it was different. Steve hesitated and looked around and stepped closer and looked at Billy with something so heart wrenching raw and bare in his eyes Billy had actually been scared.

-Can we... can you... do it again? he managed to stutter after a scrutinizing long silence. It took Billy a while to connect the dots, to wrap his head around what Steve meant. His head filled up with all kinds of different scenarios, all worse than the one before, was Steve being serious? The moment fleeted on and Steve seemed to be more freaking out than Billy and he realized he probably looked as shocked as he felt and that that could easily be read all wrong. Of course he wanted to do it again, more than he ever cared to admit. Billy just wasn't exactly used to get what he wished for.

-You serious? He managed to whisper before Steve turned away and ran for his car. Billy saw tears pooling in his eyes and felt a lump in his throat. But Steve swallowed and blinked and nodded, and smiled a small shy smile, unlike the usual King Steve smile. Billy felt something shift in him, something he didn't recognize along with a burning in his gut he did recognize. And so they scrambled over into the back seat of the Beamer, only because it was more spacious. It had nothing to do with Billy's dad he kept telling himself.

After that the awkward hand jobs became more frequent, less awkward and they soon became more, blowjobs, before they took the drastic turn into Steve fucking Billy. And if you asked Billy how exactly they had gotten there, he wouldn't know what to answer. He had no fucking clue of how things had escalated here. It seemed like he always just woke up into the situation. Not that he complained, the furthest from it. Not that he understood it either, but couldn't he just enjoy what he had? Billy loved everything Steve gave him and he took as much as he could. Everything had developed so nicely into this, whatever this was. And even if they had been truly intimate for a few months already they hesitated quite much, even if they had done almost anything you could think of to each other, even Steve letting Billy fuck him for a change, they're touches were always a bit careful, thought of and always behind a certain line. A line they hadn't crossed yet and Billy wasn't sure how he felt about it.

He should have known from the start, knowing anything really about Steve, that this would never be something casual, they would never be something casual like friends with benefits. Steve wasn't wired that way even if he had surprised Billy on more occasions he would like to admit, Steve was all in. From the start he had, Billy was just too broken to notice it. He kept telling himself that Steve would grow tired of this, him, and continue to some preppy girl next door, get married and have kids and a white picket fence and a boring job and Billy would leave somewhere warm and they would never see each other again.

Did Billy want that?

No but he didn't think there was any other outcome of this, or that. But Steve was still there, still invited him over to study, still nodded to him in the hallways and groped him or swallowed him after late practice when everyone else had showered and left. And he still looked at Billy with those beautiful big brown eyes. Billy saw them getting warmer, more relaxed, saw the emotions shifting, the disgust and fear trickle away with every moment they spend together. Especially the ones that had nothing to do with sex.

Slowly Billy started to form "maybes" in his head, maybe Steve actually liked him?  
Maybe they actually had a future?  
Maybe they were actually exclusive?  
Maybe he actually could have Steve?

The answer to that question came unexpected one night after chilling out at Harrington's, after mind blowing sex, laying on the couch barely decent, watching a movie, Billy's head on Steve's lap, Steve's hand tangled in his blond curls, Steve sighed deep.

-I think I love you. Billy looked up and couldn't believe his ears.

Did Steve just say it, out loud?  
Did he really mean it?  
And most important did Billy really believe it?

Well like you could imagine a fucked up mind of Billy he didn't. He looked into the incredibly dark deep brown eyes and froze, panicked, stuttered something, seeing the look in Steve's eyes change, the sadness creeping back. Billy slowly stood up and Steve let him, he isn't sure what hurt more, his own disbelief or Steve's easy surrender. Billy just looked at him, shook his head and gathered his clothes and left. Hearing Steve's quiet sob before closing the door gently wondering what just happened and why he was on the porch and not inside. But he had already closed the door for himself, already shut himself out of them.

Billy knew he fucked up by the silent thud and strangled cry, but he couldn't knock, open the door and go back inside. He somehow made it to the quarry only realizing being there when he felt like the earth was being pulled away from under his feet. He was too close to the edge, a few chunks of ground and stones already slipping under his boots.

How the hell? he didn't want to die, not really, he backed up until he stumbled onto the Camaro and sprawled over the hood. The cold metal stinging against his barely clothed back he plunged through the depth of his thoughts to the reality he lived in now. Steve had told him he loved him and Billy answered with leaving. Exactly what he had been afraid of Steve doing. He felt like he had betrayed himself more than Steve.

And now he faced all his feelings, all the unfelt emotions, bubbling up taking over. Billy had to face himself, by the quarry the cold night creeping in like the self loathing e could feel churning in his gut. Billy had never really liked himself but this was a whole other level of not liking. He had to face everything that was wrong with him, and boy was that a lot. Most of the thoughts circling around the fact that he was a no good faggot, like his father so kindly reminded him every single day. That he was a true fuck up, destined for nothing but failure in his life, nothing but misery. He had believed it he really had, and his fathers opinion was all he had to go by for so long it felt like the only truth. But now he had met Steve. He knew Steve, knows the true Steve and everything he knows about no good faggots are shattered.

Because how can Steve, the kind, caring, genuine, polite, warm, loving, good kid next door, be a no good faggot? The answer is he can't. Steve is good, fuck almost too perfect to be real, even if he is gay. Or bisexual or whatever, the point being liking boys as a boy does not equal being a fuck up. Billy is far from good he knows that, he has always been an asshole but only now realize he CAN be more, something else if he chooses. He can be good, can grow and he can love. He just has to let go of his past enough to let the future have a chance.

It proved to be easier said than done.

No one knew about their thing with Steve so who could he talk to? Billy had apparently been blind to more than his own feelings for awhile. The day after his biggest mistake to this day was a Saturday and they had promised to take the kids out for a day of whatever fun they did one town over. Billy groaned when Max came to wake him up, too early for his liking, he had barely gotten any sleep after pondering the worth of his life. He got up and took a freezing shower partly to wake him up, partly as a punishment for being the biggest dick alive. Next after Steve's monster of a cock he couldn't help but think smiling.

He had to make it right for too many reasons to count.

Seeing Steve half an hour later outside the arcade where their field trip was meant to start gave Billy the biggest reason. He smiled at the kids, nodded at Billy, seemed normal but Billy saw. He knew Steve well enough by now to see the hollow gaze in his eyes, the dark circles and redness from crying. Steve looked like a dead person, and it hurt Billy more than he could ever understand, especially since he knew it was caused by himself, the real monster in Steve's nightmare was him, not the flower faced teethe demon dogs from the ghost dimension.

They drove off and the car ride there was mostly silent for his part, the kids excitedly talking about everything they wanted to do in the bigger city they could already see towering on the horizon. the day went by in a haze for Billy, his mind being somewhere else. The kids didn't seem to notice and Steve seemed to like the absent Billy more, by the dinner time he had relaxed a bit and the smile he gave the kids almost reached his eyes. The kids seemed to look at them every now and then frowning a bit but Billy ignored most parts of them anyway. They stopped by a record shop, Will buying a few records for him and Jonathan, according to the list Jonathan had given him. Billy looked at the pictures on the records on the wall not seeing them. He noticed getting a few concern looks by the kids, even Steve, music was his thing and something had to be up when he acted so indifferent. No one said anything though. In the car Billy could exhale. He had survived the day without Steve trying to kill him, or himself trying to for the matter of fact. The car ride home was more silent, the kids yawning a bit in the back. Max sat beside him and he soon noticed how she looked at him, way more than usual, every now and then glancing to the back where Will and El sat looking out or at each other. Billy could sense the tension in the car building up. He didn't like it, the hair on his neck slowly rising.

-What? He bit out to Max after half an hour of the Camaro roaring down the road back to Hawkins. The kids eyed each other and after heavily gesturing to each other Max spoke hesitantly.  
-I... we know... about you and Steve. She was cut off by a death glare by Billy and almost didn't continue. Billy was sure she was seconds away from throwing herself out from the moving car so he looked away chewing his lip.  
-Hmph. he puffed out not sure how it made him feel. How anything made him feel.  
-It's okay, Billy. We do approve. Will chimed from the back seat and Billy looked into his eyes through the rear view mirror. Similar brown eyes as Steve's gazing back at him a shy smile in the corners. Billy exhaled deeply, a head ache suddenly appearing creeping from the back of his head to sting him in the temples. He massages the gently with the other hand.

-Whatever, kids, I fucked it up. He surprises himself with the honesty, the admitted failure, the admitted relationship in the first place.  
-It's not too late. El say and Billy can feel a gentle squeeze on his shoulder even when El's hands are balled up in her lap. Her psychic abilities continue to amaze him and he wonders just how much she can see in his mind, hoping she won't be scarred for life about the thoughts he has had of Steve, even when the kids are around. Or how he wishes they could have a family someday. She looks at him through the mirror and smiles like she knows what he just thought of, slightly shaking her head to confirm him she do know too much for her own good.  
-We have a plan. Max say from beside him and she looks genuinely exited, like anything they think of could mend what he broke less than 24 hours ago.  
-Trust us Billy. El says again confirming she is in his head more than he likes. He glares at her through the mirror but she just smiles and nods. Billy feels like she has seen worse than Billy's thoughts and it doesn't exactly make him feel any better. Billy ponders and after a few silent expecting minutes he sighs.  
-Fine, what you got? he asks wondering what he has left to lose, nothing. Might as well give the kids idea a shot.

After dropping the kids off to their homes Billy drives off to quarry with a childlike hope sparking in his chest. He had never thought the plan to actually be good. Actually be something that could work. And he is a little mad at himself for realizing he could never have thought of anything like that himself. Billy knew himself good enough to be helpless with anything that had to do with expressing feelings.

Come to think of it he was bad with words too. He was just generally bad with relationship things. Shit, he just admitted that what they had with Steve had actually been a relationship. Well deep inside he knew, wished and hoped, but he hadn't the courage to actually admit it or voice it. So he had ran away when Steve had. Confessed his feelings to him. Billy had been so good at convincing himself he was simply a try out for Steve, a sexual experience, maybe an awakening, a warm body at the most.

But he knew Steve, he knew him before he had let him in, he should have known this too. What Steve felt, it wasn't exactly subtle at times, the way he moaned Billy's name coming deep inside him or the way he exhaled his name while he swallowed around his throbbing cock, swallowing everything Steve gave him. Or the times afterwards he laid close, watched Billy with those big beautiful brown eyes, hands twitching with the urge to touch him but the hesitation growing too big so he didn't. Billy knew but didn't let him believe. Now he did with everything the kids had shared with him on the drive home. How they saw how Steve lit up with him around, how he spoke of him softly when he wasn't around, how he seemed more alive after everything they've been through, relaxing and exhaling around the time he knew they started going steady. The kids had asked him straight out one day and he had admitted having feelings and apologizing. The kids hadn't understood for what he was apologizing for, Billy had been proving himself worthy even after the fight during the hellish night. He found out later it was a merely a small inconvenience putting into perspective with the rest of the events that night. Scary if you think about but Billy would take it any day when it meant he and Steve had the chance of growing closer. And Billy had almost cried when the kids had told them that all approved of them and wished Billy would fix it too, actually wanted them to happen, to be together. That, my friend, was something he had never ever thought even remotely possible.

And here he was, encouraged by their kids, executing a plan they had come up with together, a plan that could actually work. He stood by the Camaro listening to the radio, the rock blasting to calm his nerves where the smoke failed to, flipping the single Will had handed over, knowing very well the kids knew their mama bear Steve. Billy smiled to the thought and lit another cigarette. He tilted his head back and looked up into the black night sky. Outside of town there were quite a few visible stars, more than in California. The full moon was high and bright and did it seem bigger than usual? Or was it just his mind playing tricks on him? Probably the latter. He exhaled smoke and watched the moon shine through the smoke wrapping Billy in an outer worldly light. Billy had never been a religious guy but something that moment felt so big, bigger than him or anything else, that it felt hard to completely deny some kind of universal power or higher being. So Billy exhaled more smoke and as it danced around the moon he sent up a wish to the stars and the moon, looming over him on his mission. Closing his eyes, and after exhaling deeply a few times he heard a rumbling from the woods, then the headlights of the Beamer lit up the last trees before the opening at the top of the quarry. Billy dragged the last breaths of the cigarette and dropped it on the ground fidgeting on the cassette in his hands. Steve drove close, stopped the car and turned it off. With the light switched off Billy could see in the faint afterglow how Steve slumped a little in the car and exhaled, gathered himself and got out of the car. He closed the door and took a small step towards Billy, leaving a fairly long distance between them. He shivered to the cold and shrugged.

-So... he said quietly clearly not wanting to be there. Billy knew the kids hadn't given him any options and he just wished it wasn't too late. He exhaled and closed his eyes, mustering up every ounce of courage he could.  
-Yeah... I.. I'm sorry, Steve... I.. He was stuttering too much, this was never gonna work.  
-I'm not good with words, Steve. He got out and Steve just looked at him questioning.  
-So... I... wait. Billy said and disappeared inside the car, only now remembering the radio still blasting. He cursed, this started worse than he thought. He fumbled with the cassette but finally got it in the player right and even if it was already quite loud he turned the volume up slightly to be sure Steve would hear his message. The music started quietly and gently. Steve looked at Billy brows raised, questioning, before the male voice started singing.

_I gotta take a little time_   
_A little time to think things over_   
_I better read between the lines_   
_In case I need it when I'm older_

Billy saw Steve's expression change a bit, he clearly understood what Billy was after with the whole "get your ass out to the quarry to freeze it off". He took a step closer, tilting his head slightly, like trying to hear better. Billy exhaled only now realizing he had been holding his breath for quite a long time. Even time felt frozen in the chill air around them. 

_Now this mountain I must climb_   
_Feels like a world upon my shoulders_   
_Through the clouds I see love shine_   
_It keeps me warm as life grows colder_

Billy listened to the lyrics too, he did recognize the song but hadn't really given it much thought since its release last November. He was more into real rock but he knew that this was straight up Steve's ally. And he couldn't be more happy about the observations of the kids. And he suspected Jonathan having his fair share of the whole idea.

_In my life there's been heartache and pain_   
_I don't know if I can face it again_   
_Can't stop now, I've traveled so far_   
_To change this lonely life_

Shivers went up Billy's spine for the accuracy of the lyrics, and for the first time in forever he could look at his life with a objective view. How wrong it all had been, everything his father had taught him, how stupid he had been, how oblivious with Steve right in front of him. He felt like screaming at himself for being so thick headed, for being so hard on himself for the most part of his shitty life. And how long it took for him to realize what an impact Steve really have had, since the first day Billy saw him on the school yard with Nancy. Since the very first moment he saw those big brown eyes curiously checking him out.

_I wanna know what love is_   
_I want you to show me_   
_I wanna feel what love is_   
_I know you can show me_

By the chorus Steve was crying, actually crying in front of Billy. He was suddenly so close, Billy could see his eyes glittering with tears, his lip shaking a bit, his hands trembling. He swayed slightly to the music, Billy knew from the gesture Steve did like the song, the kids had been right.

_I'm gonna take a little time_   
_A little time to look around me_   
_I've got nowhere left to hide_   
_It looks like love has finally found me_

And Billy felt exactly like that, out in the open, right in front of Steve, kind of confessing his feelings, hoping Steve could understand it. Wishing it was as obvious for Steve as it felt for Billy. Steve reached out to touch Billy's cheek and suddenly he realized he was crying too. He can't even remember crying other than angry tears for what feels like forever. He closes his eyes, tries to blink the tears away, it's too much, he is too much. Too raw, too open, too exposed, he needs to flee. But Steve moves his thumb over the streak of tears on his cheek, grounding him in the moment and whispers, voice slightly trembling.

-Do you mean it, Billy?

_In my life there's been heartache and pain_   
_I don't know if I can face it again_   
_I can't stop now, I've traveled so far_   
_To change this lonely life_

Billy opens his eyes to look at Steve, into his big brown eyes. He can't speak, the lump too big in his throat, mouth too dry, so he nods. One clear nod and Steve's face lit up with a bright smile. And Suddenly Billy doesn't want to flee anymore, suddenly he feels at the right place, at home in Steve's presence. Calm and serene in the cold darkness by the quarry that feels more important than it really is. Moonlight making Steve glow, an outer worldly glow.

_I wanna know what love is_   
_I want you to show me_   
_I wanna feel what love is_   
_I know you can show me_

Billy smiles too and takes Steve's face in his hands, thumbs caressing his cheeks, mirroring Steve's gestures, showing them equal, equally invested, showing that Billy do care. Showing that he is sorry for running earlier, that he won't run now.  
That he stands here in front of Steve, because he wants to.  
Because he wants Steve.  
Because he loves Steve.

_I wanna know what love is_   
_I want you to show me_   
_And I wanna feel,_   
_I want to feel what love is_   
_And I know, I know you can show me_

He feels every word spoken by the man singing like he said them himself. Like he actually thought of them himself. And Billy has to let Steve know he means every word, even if they're loaned ones. Even if he will never be this poetic, even if it will take a while for him to actually say them out loud himself. He has to let Steve know he does mean it even if can't find the courage to voice it yet.

Let's talk about love  
I wanna know what love is, the love that you feel inside  
I want you to show me, and I'm feeling so much love  
I wanna feel what love is, no, you just cannot hide  
I know you can show me, yeah

And he knows there will come a day when the words fall as freely from his lips as they do from Steve's, he just hopes Steve will be there to hear them. He has to make sure Steve will. Has to show what he can't say. And to prove his point, more to himself than Steve, since he knows Steve understands the romantic gesture he didn't even come up with himself, nevertheless he means from the depths of his heart, he leans in to place his lips on Steve's. To kiss him, for the first time, while the man in the song croons about love. A love as real as them in the glowing full moon in a small town in the middle of nowhere.

_I wanna know what love is, let's talk about love_   
_I want you to show me, I wanna feel it too_   
_I wanna feel what love is, I want to feel it too_   
_And I know and I know, I know you can show me_   
_Show me love is real,_   
_yeah I wanna know what love is..._

The kiss is everything Billy had dreamed of and he feels stupid for not doing it way earlier. But given away too easy it wouldn't have the meaning it has now. It wouldn't have been enough if it would have been shared before. The first kiss is always the most special and Billy knows this is a first kiss like no other. It is his first kiss with feelings, emotions behind it, the one that actually mean something. Billy realizes to him, this kiss means everything. Sure he has kissed girls before, guys too, but it has never meant anything, not like now. Girls he kissed because he was made to believe he had to and guys he kissed to prove to himself that was what he wanted. But lately Steve is all he wants, and it took him long enough to believe he could have him.

They share a kiss that started chaste, gentle, testing before it deepened, before Steve parted his lips letting Billy in, not just into his mouth but truly into his life. Billy can't deny this anymore, can't deny whats between them, can't deny he has feelings for Steve. that he is indeed in love with the gorgeous slender brown haired boy and that that boy against all odds loves him back. that against all odds, and everything Billy did, lets him close, lets him in, embraces him.

Billy lets go off Steve's face and Steve whines but Billy wraps his hands around Steve's waist and pulls him closer, squeezes him tight, never letting go again. Steve melt into Billy's arms and the heat between them becomes too hot to handle, scorching, burning them to their very core.

They break away lips parted sucking for air, enjoying the cold bite against throbbing lips, plump and red. Billy's lip split being chapped from the beginning but they can't find it in them to care. They hug each other tight and Billy steals another kiss, and another, and a third, just to make sure he is not dreaming. When he is sure Steve is actually there in his arms he lets out a relieved laugh that echo in the empty quarry, carrying around them and getting a few birds to answer from the woods like Billy asked the universe if it was real and it answered back.

It was, Billy and Steve were real and in love.

Billy kissed Steve more, a bit softer and lingering, not wanting to leave what had became his favorite spot in the whole town. Or next best if you counted Steve's bed. But it was freezing and the music had died out long ago. Steve shivered even in Billy's warm hug and he knew they would catch a cold soon. And he could think of a few places better than the quarry right now. He kissed Steve one more time, never getting tired of it, he was sure, and asked with a haziness clouding his eyes,

-Your place?

Steve shivered, possibly from something else than the cold, Billy could feel him hard against his thigh and he nodded a bit out of breath. They got in their cars, it would have been stupid to leave one behind at the quarry, they would still have to go get it the next day and a Sunday in bed sounded too good to be disturbed by retrieving a car from the middle of the woods. So they drove to Steve's place Steve leading the way like he had been doing in this relationship, emotionally at least, Billy had been the more sexually experienced in the beginning, Steve was a fast learner though. And while Billy taught Steve things t do with their bodies Steve taught Billy things about their minds and hearts. And Billy was anything but a fast learner. Turned out he needed quite a bit of tutoring, but he got there eventually.

He listened to the cassette over and over the whole ride to Steve's place and he was quite sure it had become his new anthem even if it was a bit out of genre for him. But so was his life, he had to adjust. And something told him by the way his stomach fluttered and his knees felt weak by looking at Steve walking up to the front door as he parked the Camaro next to the Beamer. Steve unlocked the door and waited for Billy holding it open. Inviting him in, and Billy was learning, he cold feel the sentiment behind the mundane gesture and it made him smile. He was getting a hold of the romantic things in life and while walking past Steve into the house he stole a quick kiss. Steve smiled and walked in right behind him, closed the door and locked it. Billy turned on his heels and pushed Steve against the door, looked deep in his eyes and with the smile reaching the beautiful Brown eyes again, Steve looked soft and happy between his hands Billy smiled too and leaned in to kiss him. Long and good. And when they parted e bit to catch their breaths Steve freely said, without hesitation or tremble in his voice,  
-Welcome home, babe.

Billy kissed Steve again, lifted him up and Steve wrapped his long legs around Billy's waist. They didn't brake the kiss all the way upstairs to Steve's bed. Not even when he carefully laid him down on the bed, carefully climbing on top of Steve, to continue where the kiss would have lead them at the quarry if it wouldn't have been so freezing. But here inside, in the warmth kissing Steve on his bed, lips moving against each others, tongues entwined, Billy realize how they actually got here.

He had always thought, assumed, that he was the one calling the shots, deciding on stuff but it really was Steve. Had been all along. He had thought he was getting any of Steve because he wanted, because Steve had somehow understood that, that Billy wanted him, his long lean legs, wiry muscles, strong arms, broad shoulders, milky skin, but Billy realized he had got any of Steve because it was Steve who wanted.

Kissing Steve made Billy realize Steve was the one calling the shots, even from the beginning. It was Steve that made this thing happen in the first place. It was Steve who forgave him for the hellish night at Byers, it was Steve who acknowledged him after that, nodded in the hallway, greeted dropping the kids off, invited him to join them sometime, invited him over to his home, eventually invited him to touch him.

Kissing Steve made Billy see it all so clearly now. And it made all the difference for Billy. He believed that Steve could be in love with him, that he wouldn't leave, wouldn't break Billy's heart, he would stay, help Billy mend what others had broken before him. He knew Billy, all about Billy and was still willing to love him. To be with him. Let him in. It was more than Billy could dream of, definitely more than he deserved. But he would, he could take it all, take everything Steve offered and for the first time in his life he believed he had the choice.

Kissing Steve was beyond anything and everything and a usually dominate Billy was left a trembling mess from the moment they laid there clothesless, entwined, skin against skin. Steve's milky freckly skin against Billy's darker golden complexion. They were so different, soft curves and hard edges, but so alike, like opposites of the same coin.

Kissing Steve made billy realize loving another boy was nothing he had been taught, ugly, disgusting, repulsive, wrong, unnatural, sinful, it was simply beautiful. Love was simply beautiful. Steve was beautiful, a flushing hot mess on top of Billy.

Steve kissing Billy on top of him left Billy in awe, speechless, motionless. Billy was used to do as he pleased, take what he could and hardly give anything back. Of course he had always made sure Steve came too but this was a feeling so different Billy didn't have words for it. It was Steve who was on top, Steve who took, but it didn't leave Billy without, on the contrary it was Billy who gained. So this was what being in love was. What being in a equal relationship was. Looking at Steve above him was breath taking, Billy loved it.

Kissing Steve was by far the best thing that had ever happened to Billy. Which said a lot. Steve broke off the kiss to breath, properly, after what felt like forever and Billy just stared at Steve. Breathing deep, chest moving, hands trembling on Billy's chest. He looked Steve in the eyes, tried to speak but simply couldn't. The beauty of Steve left him speechless, breathless. Steve smiled at him and spoke softly a bit out of breath like after basket ball practice.  
-I love you too. He said and kissed Billy again.

Billy couldn't say anything or do anything but kiss back with all he had. Steve surely got the point. And boy did he get the point. Or more like found Billy's point. Billy had bees so starstruck with everything, so in his head with his revelations that he hadn't quite realized how far they had already made it. Steve had apparently reached for the lube on the bed stand, shamelessly out in the open, and lubed up one hand. He was still kissing Billy, the other hand in his long curly messy hair gently tugging to get Billy's head in a better angle. Steve had slid beside Billy, still mostly covering him, tongue getting deeper and greedier. Billy breathed out and sucked on his tongue and Steve lifted his leg enough to reach Billy's ass. Billy gasped for air when Steve gently but firmly grabbed his cheek, massaging it, slick fingers easily sliding in between. Steve slowly pushed one finger all the way in, like he had many times before, knowing exactly how Billy liked it.

Billy moaned Steve's name when he hit the spot, shivered when he hit it again and trembled when the movement became a constant. Steve kissed him hungrier, eating up every moan Billy made, every "Steve" he breathed out. Soon a second finger accompanied the first, making Billy quiver. It took the last straw of any functions of Billy leaving him a trembling mess in Steve's hands. All the hard edges melted away and he was moldable in Steve's hands. Knowing Billy Steve could feel him getting closer already and he was no where near finished with him. So he slowed down, not completely ditching Billy's ass but stroking it gentler, concentrating on kissing Billy. He gained some functions, got back to this moment the foggy haziness in his eyes clearing up a bit. Enough for them to really look at each other. Look into each other eyes. Steve broke the kiss to breathe again and gently put his forehead against Billy's. Steve felt pearls of sweat on Billy still looking into the deep oceans of his eyes.  
-God i really love you. he whispered and Billy's breath hitched. He wanted to say it back so badly, he really did but he was left speechless. He tried to but nothing more than a whine came out. Billy grabbed Steve's face and pushed his fore head a bit harder against Steve's and nodded. And smiled. And kissed him. Steve kissed back and Billy felt the heat between them flame up again. Felt the throbbing ache in his gut, the crave to be filled shooting up his spine. Steve bucked into Billy making him fully aware that the feelings were mutual. Billy was quite sure Steve had never been so firmly hard before and it was thrilling.

Without speaking, Steve got his attention back on Billy's ass. The two fingers moved freely already and Steve pushed in a third. Hitting the spot just right it didn't take him long to get Billy clawing his back. Billy was beyond ready, clenching, craving Steve to fuck him. His whole body ached with want, stronger than he had ever felt it before and that was a lot. He was always craving Steve, had been from the first time they had awkwardly jerked each other off, the first time Steve had been bold enough to actually fuck billy. He'd been a goner since, thinking it was Steve's amazing cock that had him hooked. Realizing now it was more than the huge package, it was the whole deal.

Steve was surprisingly strong when he maneuvered Billy onto his lap, only now slowly pulling out his fingers. Billy whined, he wanted, no he needed more, he needed Steve right now. Steve was fast with lubing up his impressive cock but it still wasn't fast enough for Billy. He clawed his back and kissed him deep, craving attention, now. Thank god Steve was used to handle needy Billy, more than used to so he knew what to do. Hugging Billy tight he held him a bit still, positioned him on top of him and made sure Billy was ready by looking at him brows raised. Billy whined nodded, kissed him and jolted in his arms. Steve chuckled and slowly let Billy slip in his arms while slowly pushing his hips up and letting his cock slide into Billy.

It didn't quite slide in as effortless as Steve had hoped, the hasty preparations left Billy a bit too tight but he didn't seem to complain. And Steve couldn't either with the amazing friction shooting electric vibes up his spine. Billy always felt amazing around Steve but tonight he was especially amazing. Yes tighter than usual but it wasn't just that. Billy felt there, like actually there. It was hard to explain. Billy was always good to him always made sure he was satisfied too but this time it felt like he was engaged on a whole other level. It drove Steve so close to the edge he could do nothing bu inhale Billy and fuck into him with hard and fast snaps of his hips. Billy seemed to like it though, he had never been so quiet during sex. Steve could safely say he was a screamer but Billy was quieter. never this quiet though. It spoke to Steve on so many levels that he didn't even know what to think anymore. So he stopped thinking and let the moment take him away. Let the tight heat around him take him away, Billy's sweaty chest against his, legs around him, small nibbles on his shoulder. Steve wished he could say they made love for hours. But reality was harsh and he came a few thrusts later, suddenly, almost completely unexpected, and hard. Billy came seconds later and Steve felt him clenching around him like crazy, making Steve scream his name.

Billy descended back to earth back on Steve's bed, in Steve's lap several minutes later. He had never felt such a euphoric explosion running through every fiber of his being. He felt everything in him pulsating, every single cell vibrating with something so powerful and overwhelming he felt like crying. and maybe he did. Billy has no idea what happened the last... he cant even say how long for sure, everything feeling like a lifetime. All he can focus on is Steve holding him, nuzzling him, praising him. Slowly and surely they both ride their highs and descends back to earth back to each other. Except this time the grounding feeling of Steve there never left Billy. He realized they came together, climaxed together and went to eternity and beyond together. It was more powerful than anything. Billy blinked away the tears in his eyes and looked at Steve. Big deep brown eyes, cloudy with emotions met stormy blue eyes filled with wonder and ave.

-I love you. Billy whispered into the kiss without even realizing it himself. Steve hugged him tighter and kissed him deeper.

Kissing Steve was the best thing Billy could ever think happened to him. Steve broke off and Billy didn't want him too but at the same time he realized they were still joined, cock in ass, and was getting a bit uncomfortable. Steve laid him gently down to easily slip out and get up and Billy thanked the stars or the moon or the whatever for the chance he had been given. Billy followed Steve into the on suite of his room and dragged him into the shower.

They rinsed them self under the warm water, the day in the cold not totally forgotten despite the tight heat inside them. After getting themselves fairly clean, as much as you can get clean without actually letting each other go they stepped out and dried them off only to climb back into bed, completely naked. Billy needed every inch of Steve he could get, needed him to be there. And there he was. They were so intertwined he wasn't sure where Steve started and he ended, but it didn't matter. Hardly anything other than Steve mattered to Billy.

-I love you Billy. Steve said looking at Billy, into the ocean eyes, emotion seeping trough the misty veil of lust hat insisted on gathering there. Billy leaned closer and kissed him like only he could.

Kissing Steve was the best thing Billy knew and he wasn't gonna sop anytime soon.

And just like so, Billy realized he had come home.

**Author's Note:**

> Had this in the WIP folder for ages,   
trying to get out more stupid drabbles  
and get over Stranger Things season 3   
angst in the same time.  
Read a similar piece a while ago, with the   
same song, sorry if this is too alike, I had  
this outlined before stumbling on the other fic :)
> 
> All mistakes are mine,  
many thanks for reading!


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